I usually wake up everyday with a pep in my step because it’s a new day God has given me, but I’m not going to lie. Lately, it’s been getting harder to wake up to face the day. I don’t hop out of bed like I used to. I hit the snooze button at least three times. I answer texts, Facebook messages and posts with comments that end in exclamation points, happy emoticon faces and funny hashtags, but in reality, deep down, I’m hurting. I’m doing everything I can to keep myself from falling apart because my loved ones are hurting and have been hurting for what seems like my whole life.
Many kinds of hurt exist, but I realized that the biggest source of pain is sickness. Regardless of any kind of illness, time goes by as if you were to turn over an empty hour glass. Illness is the thief of time. It never gives, only takes, takes and takes. Many wish time could just slow down. Not me. If I had my way, I’d slow down time by killing every single illness that exists, but hey, that’s just me.
Several years ago, a huge desire came over me. I wanted to see Him throughout my day, listen to Him (kind of like when God winks at you) and find Him in everything. My desires lead me to start a Seeing God series on my blog to get closer to my Lord and although I don’t post on this category often on here, trust me, I look for Him everyday in everything and every person. Recently, I found Him in sickness.
That’s just it. We remember God when we’re ill or when someone we love is ill, but tend to forget about Him when we (and our loved ones) are in good health and are happy. It’s not until a loved one leaves this Earth (and in most cases, in a painful/slow way) is when we lean on God and remember how much He loves us.
Losing my daddy to cancer and seeing my second mom’s health deteriorate over the last several years was by no means a walk in the park, but I see Jesus in my daddy’s death and Susie’s illness. I see God’s plans for me, for Rachel and for those we love. I see God’s message: “Until I decide to take you home, take care of the temple I’ve given you and teach others to do the same because I don’t want you or anyone you love to be in pain. I want everyone to be able to be happy because I love you.”
It’s difficult to see God in something such as cancer, but I know my Lord is using my second mom for His wonderful plans. I just can’t help, but be selfish and ask, “Why? Why in this way?” and yet, I know I am to never question Jesus and His plans because He knows better than I do.
Maybe that’s why Come Thou Fount is my favorite song because I count every single blessing that comes my way…even cancer.